To You and Mary Too

I posted this on myspace a couple of months ago. I'm re-posting it here because, quite frankly, it kicks ass.

Before you get your panties in a bunch and criticize any spelling or grammatical errors I may have made, let me admit that I know I'm not perfect with the punctuation and the grammar. Cool down, Kemo Sabe. At 34 years old, I'm still learning the finer nuances of the English language. If you've read my blogs you know I'm an angry cracker. I have the right to be. We were duped by our educational system. The reason why I originally wanted to become a teacher was because I was so disillusioned by it all; the inadequacy of the schools and teachers, the pure ignorance and arrogance of people. I was a kid who slipped through the cracks. I was let down by the man. I was pissed. In the end, the reason why I decided not to be a teacher was because I realized I wasn't about to change anything. From my brief stints as a student teacher I saw an educational system that had gone from bad to worse. In the ultra-liberal Cambridge of one of the most liberal states in the country political correctness and fear robbed the children of an actual education. Goddamn it, let the teachers teach. How about paying them living wages and requiring that they actually know stuff? You have to have a Masters Degree to teach even if you are teaching preschool and somehow intelligent, cool teachers are few and far between. That says something about college; it is a colossal waste of time. It is paying tons of money to sit around and talk about opinions and current events. I promise you, I went to a college known for producing the best teachers around and I learned nothing worthwhile. I learned to vote for Clinton, I learned that men suck, and I learned that women thrive in drama even with no guys around. I use spell check and read grammar books for fun. It is important to me to overcome the accepted ignorance that most in this country embrace. I will not be dumbed down! It is never okay to give in and join the masses. It is never okay to be stupid. I will self-educate for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I will never be recognized for what I know because I don't have a piece of paper telling me I am worthy.
People, next time you are tempted to scoff at the grammar and/or spelling nazi online, ask yourself why you allow yourself to be dumb. Everyone makes errors. But to blatantly make spelling mistakes even in an online world is really not cool. Why do you to type so friggin' fast anyway? Do you really not know the difference between to, too, and two!?! You should be embarrassed.
For all it's worth, my basic lesson of the day.
Which is correct?Mary and I went to the movies? or
Mary and me went to the movies?
Hopefully you picked the first one. It was drilled into our heads that we should always say "Mary and I" not "Mary and me". Your 3rd grade teacher would dump in her coffee if she heard you messing that one up. And ain't ain't a word either. Oh yeah, and sentences should never begin with "And". Wrong, and wrong again. Here's what you didn't learn in school; your teacher was a dumbass.
Which is correct?
The picture was painted by Mary and I.
or
The picture was painted by Mary and me.
The correct answer is the second choice. It is "The picture was painted by Mary and me." However, you would say "Mary and I painted the picture", confused yet?
Here is an easy way to know when to say "and I" and when to say "and me".
Forget about Mary! Try saying the sentence without Mary. There is just something about that bitch. Would you say, "The picture was painted by I." or "Me went to the movies."? Of course not. So don't get confused when that annoying prat Mary shows up.
Despite what you learned in school, cringe-worthy "ain't" is a word. It is a contraction of "am not" or a variant thereof. Its usage is limited. It is commonly heard in the informal speech of the south and in the accepted speech of the uneducated. To those who don't use the word it is maddening to hear and just sounds so dumb. Yet it is in the dictionary. If used sparingly (very sparingly) it can emphasize your point. Especially when used in a humorous manner. Try it, you might like it. And when your teacher dumps in her coffee you can confidently exclaim, "I ain't drinking that! Neither is Mary nor Sue!"
According to my teachers, using and or but at the beginning of a sentence is comparable to farting in church. You don't do it. You shouldn't do it. Say 15 Hail Marys and pray you don't flunk English class.
Actually, it's perfectly acceptable to use the word and to start a sentence. And the word but too. So, now you know. And knowing is half the battle says G.I. Joe.

The Hoarse Whisperer

Her lower back screamed with pain, the numbness down her left leg nagged at her like a Jewish mother. She shifted her weight; bit her lower lip at the all too familiar angry pinch which followed every movement. “Only when it rains”, she said. This line of questioning left her bemused. She was suddenly aware of how rigid she was, anchored to the sea foam green linoleum floor like a tree in a haunted forest. She attempted to loosen herself up by allowing a breath to escape. Horrified by the inadvertent sigh she produced her body tensed even more and she wondered with dismay what conclusions he drew from her obvious discomfort. Her vocal cords stiffened, outright refusing her the luxury of a normal current of breath. Her next sentence, intended to ooze with confidence, instead came out as a hoarse whisper, “I’ll be fine”.

Welcome to my random ramblings!

And then this one day I created a Blog and all was right with the world. My myspace and facebook ramblings that no one reads can now go unread here.

My writing is often angst-ridden; a style that may seem so unlike me yet reflects me perfectly. There are only a few people who truly hear my voice. You see, I’m a quiet, shy and socially awkward girl. With the exception of my nearest and dearest (of which I can count on one hand), I speak rarely. Few really know me. Not because I don’t try but because they don’t listen. The curse of the demure.
I’m a mild mannered soul with a colossal love/hate relationship with humanity. And that fact reflects heavily in my writing. I surprise myself with the amount of pain that flows from my fingers. I think of myself as a happy person. I laugh every day, I have a great sense of humor, I like who I am, and I like my life. Sometimes my writing comes across like I’m a suicidal teenager. All I can say is that I mean everything I write at the time that I write it. I don’t think much through; I just let it pour from my soul. I often become overly emotional and sometimes even cry when I write. Self-therapy I suppose.
There are not many molds that I fit into. I’ve always been an observer, more comfortable sitting in shadow. I know your life story before you know I’m in the room.
I love the fact that I’m unique. I consider myself smart. Not book smart or street smart. I’m smart in the way only an unobserved observer can be. And I’m kinda snobby about it.

So, welcome to my random ramblings, my thoughts and feelings, my favorite books and movies, whatever’s my pleasure.