Stop & Stupid: A LOG

October 1988:

It's time to Stop & Shop. My first day of training consists of a bagger, John, showing me how to punch in. Then...nada. I realize it's not difficult to bag groceries, but you think they'd at least explain how they would like it done. I'm 14 years old for Chrissakes. Do they really believe teenagers and retards sit home and contemplate the finer nuances of bagging? Eggs on top, don't put detergents with perishables, evenly disperse the weights. Throw me a frickin’ bone here, Eileen.

Ahh, Eileen, my first boss. Not many people liked this woman and those who did were around her age or older, female, and most importantly, Irish. Eileen was the bitch from hell. A lot of kids were afraid of her and I was one of them. No lie, I had nightmares about her every single day for years. Yes, I said years. She was that nasty. In fact, after I was out of high school I heard tell that the guidance counselors had taken to warning students not to work for Stop & Shop and the reason given was Eileen. Imagine being that much of a giant ‘C’.

So, here we are in 1988. A big-haired classmate who was already a Stop & Shop veteran warned me, and I quote, “You’ll learn to hate people.” Well, I already hated most people so her warning didn’t scare me. Really, how bad could it possibly be? Holy trough in hell! I miscalculated the power of people to be colossal douche bags! Truly, it is amazing how horribly some customers treat those in the service industry. I would never have believed how beastly a person could be if I had never worked in a Supermarket.

What a cast of characters they had, and still do, working for Stop & Shop. Crazy part of it is; some of my coworkers from 1988 are still with the company, still in the same store. They are what we called “Lifers” and I’m sure many people thought I would become one. Although at the time I didn’t think I’d last a year, I ended up lasting over 17 of them.
The most well known employees at this particular store are Chuck and Dave. They had been working there long before my arrival and they work there to this day. Chuck and Dave are baggers, the lowest of the low in the Stop & Shop universe. They both like the 3 Stooges and Chuck calls every girl “Marcia Brady”. They get along like an old married couple. They almost look related. They are Stop & Shop legends; I think the whole town knows them by name.