TWILIGHT

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

Twilight. The most overrated book I’ve read in a long time. My disappointed has less to do with the actual book (though the writing is pretty damn bad) and more to do with why everyone is making such a big fuss about it. I don’t shy away from mainstream fads just because they are mainstream. Harry Potter is one mainstream phenomenon that I adore. So my interest was piqued when Twilight gained an overnight cult following. Here was a chance to fill the empty place the ending of Harry Potter had made in my heart (a pleasant emptiness but an emptiness nonetheless), thought I. Actually, my train of thought was exactly this:

“Hey, I want to be on a team! I don’t always want to be picked last. Who will I fancy? Edward or Jacob? Perhaps I shall read this Twilight book and catch a new obsession. After all, it looks so much fun!”

Although I don’t dislike the characters of Bella and Edward I found no reason to like them either. Bella in particular isn’t terribly interesting; she seems defined by her attraction to Edward and little else. As for the common criticism of her unhealthy obsession with Edward, it's quite normal for a teen to fall hard and fast for her first love. She thinks Edward is perfect, god-like and HOT. Coupled with the unreal reality of his being a vampire I didn't think her obsession was odd at all.What I found less realistic was Edward's love for Bella. Besides his fascination with not being able to read her mind and liking the way she smells it was unclear what exactly about Bella he loves so much. She's boring.
You mean to tell me a 100 year old vampire has never encountered someone more worthy than Bella? I don’t buy it. Also, he may be stuck in a 17 year old body but in reality he is way older than Bella. Stephanie Meyer tells us repeatedly that Bella is mature for her age but she’s still 17. Who really wants to hang out with a teenager? That’s like someone dating someone who is old enough to be their great-granddaughter. Um, ewww.

And speaking of hanging out with teenagers…
Why are the Cullens masquarding as high school students? Who would willingly subject themselves to that? Yes, I know they are assuming an identity so they can live peacefully with their happy little vampire “family” but seriously, high school? Why, why, why?? For all the blood in China I wouldn’t live through that again.

Back to Bella. Bella Swan? C’mon. Beautiful swan. Can you say, “wish fulfillment”? I know Stephanie Meyer can. I feel like she’s writing about herself and her whacked out Prince Charming fantasies. She goes on and on and on about how mature and smart Bella is but she does little to illustrate those qualities. Okay, so Bella is mature. Really? I’ve never seen so much stereotypical “I’m so embarrassed” teenage angst. Did I sleep through my teen years? I never went through that stage. The only thing that highlights Bella’s supposed maturity and incredible intelligence is her use of big words. She is obsessed with Edward. She’s boring as a piece of unbuttered wheat toast. She is constantly falling over everything. She was really retarded to be walking around by herself in a place she’s never been. She is damn lucky Edward stalks her so he can show up and save her life all the time. She raises her eyebrows a whole lot. She gets embarrassed a whole lot. She thinks Edward is perfect and hot.

Edward is a bit more interesting. I’d love to hear his back story. I like the rest of the Cullens too. And I do like that Stephanie Meyer put some originality into her vampires. I really want to know why he is so attracted to Bella. Edward's love for Bella is based on the fact that he can't read her mind and he likes the way she smells.

Edward is obsessed with Bella. He’s overbearing, overprotective, and he’s a bit of a stalker. Twilight fans misconstrue his actions as sweet and romantic. Sure, I like a guy to cherish me and protect me but not keep me as a pet.



There are a few lines that I find romantic/funny/cute. This is one of them:

“'And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,' he murmured. I looked away,
hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.'What a stupid lamb,' I sighed.'What a
sick, masochistic lion.'"

The last 1/3 of the book is actually entertaining. You just have to get over the agonizing beginning. I especially found the whole it's my turn to ask a question and then it's your turn to ask a question thing annoying.

Dear Reader, I read J. K. Rowling: I like J. K. Rowling; J. K. Rowling should be a friend of mine. Stephanie Meyer, you're no J. K. Rowling.

I suspect Stephanie Meyer made a deal with a demonic entity. That’s the only respectable reason for the Twilight craze.
I don’t get it. There are way better Paranormal Romances out there.





The only sparkling a woman should be concerned about in relation to her boyfriend is whether or not he puts a ring on her finger. Now that’s romantic. If my man literally sparkled I’d be like: What. The. Junk!?! And then I’d be all, “Um, why are you sparkling? You should see a doctor about that shit.”




This is exactly what I’m talking about with people misconstruing Edward’s actions as romantic when in reality his actions are that of a stalker. Bella finds out that before she and Edward started seeing each other he had been watching and listening to her every move including watching her sleep every night and following her wherever she went. What all these sparkled-eyed fans seem to forget is that Edward is a VAMPIRE, a predatory being. Sure he may initially think he’s in love with Bella (and maybe real love follows in the next books?) but face it people, he wants Bella because of how she smells. That’s kind of weird, dude. Unless you’re part of the animal kingdom…or a vampire.



Yes, I will be reading New Moon. I'm curious to see if this gets any better.


**Update 2/7**
If you can’t make a decent trilogy why not write a fourth book? Breaking Dawn comes out in August and I have resigned myself to read all four books despite the fact that I found Twilight to be one of the most overrated books I’ve ever read. Stay tuned.